Well, it's that time again. Yes, that time of the month. Grr. A time where I can and most likely do get sidetracked with all my diet plans.
I have been keeping in mind my mantra: I choose me. I choose me. I choose me.
I have not had candy. That is a plus. Not even a piece of dark chocolate. I did however have a Labor Day get together and made some carne asada, Mexican rice and black beans, with guacamole and salsa. Carne asada also had peppers in it as well. I guess I just feel so guilty for Mexican food, with the guacamole and sour cream. But, I did not over do it. It's not that I am eating too badly. I haven't really been eating in excess. However, I need to fit in some veggies.
Yesterday, I think I really may have overdone it with pizza. I did not feel like cooking because my cramps were excessive and would not go away. I asked Bart to fix us some quesadilla's. He said he would. But then it got late and he opted to order us a veggie pizza with pepperoni instead. We order a small and share it. But, I should have stopped at a couple of pizza's and then make a salad. But, as I said, I wasn't feeling well. So, I ate until I was satisfied. Four pieces later, I just felt satisfied. The pieces weren't long, as it was a small pizza. But, still, I shouldn't have eaten four pieces. It's just when I am in my period, I get ravenous feeling. I did have only water with my dinner. So, I am eliminating calories that way. Plus I had been drinking it all day. The only other thing I had was coffee in the morning. So I guess I chose right in some ways. When I think of drinking soda, I think, "what I am putting into my body?". And then I think about soda being really sticky when it is spilled and it dries. Then I think, "I'm putting THAT into my body? Yuck! " There are times when I want a couple of sips of one, just for the taste. But, just a couple of sips, cause I don't want to put that much gunk in my body. Water is the way to go. Pure water.
I still have not signed up for Zoo group classes. I can feel my fat giggling when I move, and it sucks and it's gross. I should at least go for a walk today. I do need to get into a regular fitness routine. Something I can do after I lose weight too. Like I said in another post, I don't want to just lose weight. I want a lifestyle change. A lifetime change, something I can do everyday and not feel stressed about trying to incorporate something too hard into my daily routine.
It's a process and a daily struggle. But, I am going to keep in going. Because, I choose me. I have to do it. I am worth it. I choose me.
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Moving In the Right Direction
This was written last week at work in WORD and emailed it to myself. Probably 8/28/13.
So, yesterday I felt quite accomplished. I was starting to feel a little anxious during the day. Problems with a shipment of my daughter’s phone and just really missing her. Anyhow, the thought crossed my mind to go get a taco or something. Then it turned to, well maybe just one burrito won’t hurt. I stopped myself in my tracks, and I remembered my motto for myself. I choose me. That is very powerful to me. I’ve never chosen me before. I choose to feed myself healthy foods to make my body feel good.
Last night for dinner though, I stopped and got Chinese food for dinner. Not the healthiest, but it wasn’t loaded with cheese..?!?! J I had sweet and sour shrimp and some fried appetizers. I ate until I felt full, which was not good. Cause by the time I went to bed, I felt over full. I definitely learned something. I must measure my food. Just because my brain hasn’t caught up with my stomach doesn’t mean I haven’t had enough. Though I could have let this get to me and totally pigged out more, just cause “why bother”, I didn’t. I have a new attitude now. Today is a new day, with endless possibilities. I started out with more eating healthy. Half a bagel, some low-fat cottage cheese with fruit on top and coffee. And right now, I am chowing down on a salad from Whole Foods, with vinegar and balsamic vinegar on top. Plus, while I was there, I picked up three pieces of fruit for me to gnaw on while I am at work and some non-fat yogurt. And tonight, I will make a veggie stir-fry for dinner. Better than the fried rice and sweet and sour shrimp I had last night. I feel like I am getting somewhere. Like I will accomplish my goal of living healthy.
Also today, I really was getting motivated for exercising. I thought, you know, people do it all the time, start slow running – and then little by little they go a little further each time. There is no reason for me not to start slow running. And I even thought to myself, what am I doing to myself? There are many people in this world that do not have legs, or the use of their legs. Here I am with full use of my legs, and I choose to sit on my butt and complain that exercise hurts. Or complain because my equipment squeaks. Those are dumb reasons. True I do have a condition called Chondromalacia Patella, where the knee does not line up with the femur. Very painful, dull ache sometimes. Actually, I could just be standing there and twist the wrong way, and feel my knee and my femur separating. That itself is not painful, but it’s just weird.
So, I started looking up on the internet what I could do to help me be able to run with this condition. All signs point to, not a good idea. I could hurt myself even more. But, that is not going to stop me. When I was working out before, my trainer had me strengthen my thighs by doing squats. So, I will do that. My stomach needs to be strengthened. Well, let’s just say my core needs to be strengthened. When I was working out with my trainer before, he had me doing planks and sit-ups. So, I will do that. And according to my trainer, he said I can never get too much of a work out on core, so I could do them every day if I so choose. But, to be able to lose my belly fat, sit-ups and planks alone will not work. I have to address that with a cardio workout. So, what to do about that? Ok, so with the condition I have, it turns out walking is really good for you. Plus, there is a club down by my hubby’s work that has group classes. Classes like Yoga and core strengthening, zumba. They sound fun. 10 classes is $60. I will join that so that I can stay active and get this show on the road. I will dedicate my workouts to all the people that either have no legs or their legs are not functional. I will at least walk. I can do that. I can do that. I can do it for me and for those people.
So, yesterday I felt quite accomplished. I was starting to feel a little anxious during the day. Problems with a shipment of my daughter’s phone and just really missing her. Anyhow, the thought crossed my mind to go get a taco or something. Then it turned to, well maybe just one burrito won’t hurt. I stopped myself in my tracks, and I remembered my motto for myself. I choose me. That is very powerful to me. I’ve never chosen me before. I choose to feed myself healthy foods to make my body feel good.
Last night for dinner though, I stopped and got Chinese food for dinner. Not the healthiest, but it wasn’t loaded with cheese..?!?! J I had sweet and sour shrimp and some fried appetizers. I ate until I felt full, which was not good. Cause by the time I went to bed, I felt over full. I definitely learned something. I must measure my food. Just because my brain hasn’t caught up with my stomach doesn’t mean I haven’t had enough. Though I could have let this get to me and totally pigged out more, just cause “why bother”, I didn’t. I have a new attitude now. Today is a new day, with endless possibilities. I started out with more eating healthy. Half a bagel, some low-fat cottage cheese with fruit on top and coffee. And right now, I am chowing down on a salad from Whole Foods, with vinegar and balsamic vinegar on top. Plus, while I was there, I picked up three pieces of fruit for me to gnaw on while I am at work and some non-fat yogurt. And tonight, I will make a veggie stir-fry for dinner. Better than the fried rice and sweet and sour shrimp I had last night. I feel like I am getting somewhere. Like I will accomplish my goal of living healthy.
Also today, I really was getting motivated for exercising. I thought, you know, people do it all the time, start slow running – and then little by little they go a little further each time. There is no reason for me not to start slow running. And I even thought to myself, what am I doing to myself? There are many people in this world that do not have legs, or the use of their legs. Here I am with full use of my legs, and I choose to sit on my butt and complain that exercise hurts. Or complain because my equipment squeaks. Those are dumb reasons. True I do have a condition called Chondromalacia Patella, where the knee does not line up with the femur. Very painful, dull ache sometimes. Actually, I could just be standing there and twist the wrong way, and feel my knee and my femur separating. That itself is not painful, but it’s just weird.
So, I started looking up on the internet what I could do to help me be able to run with this condition. All signs point to, not a good idea. I could hurt myself even more. But, that is not going to stop me. When I was working out before, my trainer had me strengthen my thighs by doing squats. So, I will do that. My stomach needs to be strengthened. Well, let’s just say my core needs to be strengthened. When I was working out with my trainer before, he had me doing planks and sit-ups. So, I will do that. And according to my trainer, he said I can never get too much of a work out on core, so I could do them every day if I so choose. But, to be able to lose my belly fat, sit-ups and planks alone will not work. I have to address that with a cardio workout. So, what to do about that? Ok, so with the condition I have, it turns out walking is really good for you. Plus, there is a club down by my hubby’s work that has group classes. Classes like Yoga and core strengthening, zumba. They sound fun. 10 classes is $60. I will join that so that I can stay active and get this show on the road. I will dedicate my workouts to all the people that either have no legs or their legs are not functional. I will at least walk. I can do that. I can do that. I can do it for me and for those people.
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Checking In
It's been a few days since I posted. I actually wanted to post something, but I tried to do it at work and apparently something is broken with my work computer that won't let me access it. Oh well, shouldn't be doing that at work anyhow, but sometimes I try and sneek it in anyhow.
The last couple of days have gone really well. It's different this time. I am eating for me. Eating because I want to eat healthy, even though it may not be the most convenient. Take this morning for example. This morning after going to work, I had to take my step-daughter home from her dentist appt. Prior to going to work, I ate a healthy breakfast. I had oatmeal, a small portion of cottage cheese (1/2 c) and about a cup of grapes. I really didn't have time to make a lunch, and at first I thought about just going and buying something later. I could have gone to Whole Foods and bought a salad. Though, it would cost me about $5 and time to get there. And usually when I say I will go to get a salad, it ends up being Mexican food. Which before I tried to convince myself if I had the meat street taco's, it's not hurting anything. The problem is, it doesn't stop with the taco's. I get rice and beans and then usually end up stuffing myself. Or I get street taco's and a burrito. Not good. So today, I chose healthy over convenience.
As soon as I got to work, my step-daughter needed a ride to my house. So, while I was there, I threw some spinach in a plastic container, cut up some tomato, added some chicken from last nights dinner to it, a few Greek olives and some peppercini. I also put a non-fat yogurt, a low fat string cheese and hummus and crackers into a bag. It just about kept me satisfied until dinner. I did make sure I drank plenty of water so that my body didn't tell me I was hungry if I wasn't.
I have been really good. At work I have some dark chocolate and some lime chips sitting in my desk drawer. Quite frankly, even though they were supposed to be healthy, I didn't much care for the lime chips. I don't really care for full fat lime chips either. And the dark chocolate is there for "that time of the month" to help curb my cravings. I think it really does work. I found myself eating more chocolate and used my period as an excuse to pig out on chocolate last month. I really wasn't craving it once I had a small square. I am getting real with myself. I like that.
I fit into my "skinny jeans" this week..Skinnier jeans that is, for me this week. And my wedding ring wants to slide off. Last week when I was folding a towel, it just came right off. I love that feeling. Even though, I really don't want to lose my wedding ring.
Last night I really didn't get much sleep because I was reading. That is another activity that I have incorporated into my life. I hope I can keep doing it. I do love it so much. I just have so much to do and so little time to do it. So sometimes I skip the things that I like to do, to get things done I have to do. Which is not fair, I know. And my husband always is telling me to slow down and do things for myself too.
Usually when I am tired I get lazy and just want to eat for convenience. I didn't do that this time. Which is an accomplishment. Yay me!!
Well, this is all for now. Going to try and check in again in a few days.
Toodle Loo..
The last couple of days have gone really well. It's different this time. I am eating for me. Eating because I want to eat healthy, even though it may not be the most convenient. Take this morning for example. This morning after going to work, I had to take my step-daughter home from her dentist appt. Prior to going to work, I ate a healthy breakfast. I had oatmeal, a small portion of cottage cheese (1/2 c) and about a cup of grapes. I really didn't have time to make a lunch, and at first I thought about just going and buying something later. I could have gone to Whole Foods and bought a salad. Though, it would cost me about $5 and time to get there. And usually when I say I will go to get a salad, it ends up being Mexican food. Which before I tried to convince myself if I had the meat street taco's, it's not hurting anything. The problem is, it doesn't stop with the taco's. I get rice and beans and then usually end up stuffing myself. Or I get street taco's and a burrito. Not good. So today, I chose healthy over convenience.
As soon as I got to work, my step-daughter needed a ride to my house. So, while I was there, I threw some spinach in a plastic container, cut up some tomato, added some chicken from last nights dinner to it, a few Greek olives and some peppercini. I also put a non-fat yogurt, a low fat string cheese and hummus and crackers into a bag. It just about kept me satisfied until dinner. I did make sure I drank plenty of water so that my body didn't tell me I was hungry if I wasn't.
I have been really good. At work I have some dark chocolate and some lime chips sitting in my desk drawer. Quite frankly, even though they were supposed to be healthy, I didn't much care for the lime chips. I don't really care for full fat lime chips either. And the dark chocolate is there for "that time of the month" to help curb my cravings. I think it really does work. I found myself eating more chocolate and used my period as an excuse to pig out on chocolate last month. I really wasn't craving it once I had a small square. I am getting real with myself. I like that.
I fit into my "skinny jeans" this week..Skinnier jeans that is, for me this week. And my wedding ring wants to slide off. Last week when I was folding a towel, it just came right off. I love that feeling. Even though, I really don't want to lose my wedding ring.
Last night I really didn't get much sleep because I was reading. That is another activity that I have incorporated into my life. I hope I can keep doing it. I do love it so much. I just have so much to do and so little time to do it. So sometimes I skip the things that I like to do, to get things done I have to do. Which is not fair, I know. And my husband always is telling me to slow down and do things for myself too.
Usually when I am tired I get lazy and just want to eat for convenience. I didn't do that this time. Which is an accomplishment. Yay me!!
Well, this is all for now. Going to try and check in again in a few days.
Toodle Loo..
Sunday, August 25, 2013
I Choose Me
Well, time has a way of slipping away sometimes. It has been 2 yrs. since I last blogged about my health.
When I had a personal trainer, I ended up losing 30 lbs. altogether. Was down from my highest weight, 223, to 180. I felt really good.
Though, I was exercising like crazy. And I think that I looked at eating the way I was as a temporary thing, and I could go back to eating what I wanted when I was finished. I missed my old way of eating. I missed Mexican food. I missed sauces and dips.
I stopped exercising and started binge eating on Mexican food. It was apparent that I felt deprived. Coupled with the fact that I am getting older, my child has left the nest, and a nonexistent base family - everything was getting to me. And I am an emotional eater. Yes, I have an eating disorder. When I get stressed, sad or anxious, I eat. I am a food addict. A couple of weeks ago, I actually had eaten something, and then about 5 min. later, I felt something I've never felt before. Kind of what I liken to a drug addicts need for drugs. I actually was having an anxiety attack because I wanted more food. Now, I know, my addiction is nothing like a drug addict. But, thank goodness I am only addicted to food. Otherwise, I would probably die of a drug overdose. It was like I was having a withdrawal and I needed something fast.
I've gained about 10 lbs. since I stopped the exercising and started binge eating. But, something snapped in me. In a good way. I am realizing that I am 45 now. I cannot, and will not, eat like I was eating. I am going to blow up again. And, I am having pains again with my chondromalacia, plantar fascitis, and now something new. It started when the doctor told me I had trigger points, in my hip. It was causing me severe pain, in both my hips, but my left one in particular. My doctor gave me a shot of cortisone in that hip, and it was good for about 2 weeks, and then the pain came back. The thing about cortisone is, you can't just keep getting those shots. It kind of breaks down your muscle and stuff. So, I'm back to just taking pain meds to manage it.
Then, my husband took me for a couples massage. The masseuse was a sports therapist. When I explained about my hips, he immediately recognized that I had symptoms of a condition called IBT Band Syndrome. This is when the tendons and muscles kind of fuse together, and it blocks the flow of blood from getting into the area affected. Which then causes a dull ache in that area. It can be treated, with massage and with a few exercises.
The title of this blog is I Choose Me. The reason for this is, we went camping last week, and I had some time to reflect on me and my life. For the most part, my life is great. But, I am the type of person that over extends herself to make others happy. I love doing things for other people. The problem is, in the process I neglect myself and my needs. Now, in one respect, I have corrected this. I used to just buy things for other people and neglect my needs (not wants, actual necessities). Now, since I married my husband, he's made me see that money is not tight anymore and I can afford to buy myself things that I need. And a few things I want as well. :)
I choose me because I am going to choose to allow myself to take the time for me. This will be an adjustment, but I will be delegating more to the rest of my family. It takes a lot to run this household, especially since I work a full-time job out of the home. And I just don't have the time to put all of myself into the house and into me as well. I choose to eat healthy. I choose to look up healthy meals and snacks and incorporate this into my life. And I am choosing to exercise. I am going to take some group classes 1 to 2 days a week and then fit in some elliptical at least one day a week. It will take me longer to loose 10 lbs. than it did when I had a personal trainer, but, it will get done. And I've re-evaluated my goals. When I was at 180, I felt good and I felt like I looked good. I am at 193 right now. I can be ok with 180. I can appreciate 180. I would love to be 140 or 145. Which is pretty much a normal weight for a 5'2" woman. But, not sure that is achievable at my age. I know one thing. My goal is to eat healthy, and exercise for health. Yes, I want to loose the 10 lbs. Anything beyond that is just a bonus. But, for now, I Choose Me. I choose to live a healthy lifestyle and forget about the french fries and onion rings and sauces and dips..and I choose to have healthy alternatives, like vegetables and hummus. That is still tasty and will do my body better than grease and carbs. But, if every once in a while I want a treat, like Mexican food, I will allow myself to have it just as a treat. Not the norm. It feels good to have made this decision.
When I had a personal trainer, I ended up losing 30 lbs. altogether. Was down from my highest weight, 223, to 180. I felt really good.
Though, I was exercising like crazy. And I think that I looked at eating the way I was as a temporary thing, and I could go back to eating what I wanted when I was finished. I missed my old way of eating. I missed Mexican food. I missed sauces and dips.
I stopped exercising and started binge eating on Mexican food. It was apparent that I felt deprived. Coupled with the fact that I am getting older, my child has left the nest, and a nonexistent base family - everything was getting to me. And I am an emotional eater. Yes, I have an eating disorder. When I get stressed, sad or anxious, I eat. I am a food addict. A couple of weeks ago, I actually had eaten something, and then about 5 min. later, I felt something I've never felt before. Kind of what I liken to a drug addicts need for drugs. I actually was having an anxiety attack because I wanted more food. Now, I know, my addiction is nothing like a drug addict. But, thank goodness I am only addicted to food. Otherwise, I would probably die of a drug overdose. It was like I was having a withdrawal and I needed something fast.
I've gained about 10 lbs. since I stopped the exercising and started binge eating. But, something snapped in me. In a good way. I am realizing that I am 45 now. I cannot, and will not, eat like I was eating. I am going to blow up again. And, I am having pains again with my chondromalacia, plantar fascitis, and now something new. It started when the doctor told me I had trigger points, in my hip. It was causing me severe pain, in both my hips, but my left one in particular. My doctor gave me a shot of cortisone in that hip, and it was good for about 2 weeks, and then the pain came back. The thing about cortisone is, you can't just keep getting those shots. It kind of breaks down your muscle and stuff. So, I'm back to just taking pain meds to manage it.
Then, my husband took me for a couples massage. The masseuse was a sports therapist. When I explained about my hips, he immediately recognized that I had symptoms of a condition called IBT Band Syndrome. This is when the tendons and muscles kind of fuse together, and it blocks the flow of blood from getting into the area affected. Which then causes a dull ache in that area. It can be treated, with massage and with a few exercises.
The title of this blog is I Choose Me. The reason for this is, we went camping last week, and I had some time to reflect on me and my life. For the most part, my life is great. But, I am the type of person that over extends herself to make others happy. I love doing things for other people. The problem is, in the process I neglect myself and my needs. Now, in one respect, I have corrected this. I used to just buy things for other people and neglect my needs (not wants, actual necessities). Now, since I married my husband, he's made me see that money is not tight anymore and I can afford to buy myself things that I need. And a few things I want as well. :)
I choose me because I am going to choose to allow myself to take the time for me. This will be an adjustment, but I will be delegating more to the rest of my family. It takes a lot to run this household, especially since I work a full-time job out of the home. And I just don't have the time to put all of myself into the house and into me as well. I choose to eat healthy. I choose to look up healthy meals and snacks and incorporate this into my life. And I am choosing to exercise. I am going to take some group classes 1 to 2 days a week and then fit in some elliptical at least one day a week. It will take me longer to loose 10 lbs. than it did when I had a personal trainer, but, it will get done. And I've re-evaluated my goals. When I was at 180, I felt good and I felt like I looked good. I am at 193 right now. I can be ok with 180. I can appreciate 180. I would love to be 140 or 145. Which is pretty much a normal weight for a 5'2" woman. But, not sure that is achievable at my age. I know one thing. My goal is to eat healthy, and exercise for health. Yes, I want to loose the 10 lbs. Anything beyond that is just a bonus. But, for now, I Choose Me. I choose to live a healthy lifestyle and forget about the french fries and onion rings and sauces and dips..and I choose to have healthy alternatives, like vegetables and hummus. That is still tasty and will do my body better than grease and carbs. But, if every once in a while I want a treat, like Mexican food, I will allow myself to have it just as a treat. Not the norm. It feels good to have made this decision.
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